Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
