i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
