I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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