The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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