I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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