She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
