when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
