whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
