i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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