Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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