I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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