I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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