I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
