my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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