I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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