please come you make the beer taste better
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
