How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
