Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
