this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
