Your face is a jimmy john
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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