I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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