Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
