don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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