No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
