the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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