JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
