I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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