Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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