okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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