What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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