You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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