its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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