we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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