First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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