Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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