That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
