tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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