I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
