We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
