You just made me feel so damn special
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
