what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
