i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
