Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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