it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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