your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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