My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
