how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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