Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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