Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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