got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
