she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
