Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
