I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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