i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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