when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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