I think I won the penis lottery.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
