Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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