Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
