Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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