i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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