Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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