I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
