Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
