Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
